ZERO TO FIVE IN 60 SECONDS
Quick tips for parents of young children
By MARK SULLIVAN, Executive Director, Michigan 4C Association
Q: I was shocked when the director of the child care center where my 3-year old son gets care says his behavior is so aggressive and disruptive that she may not be able to keep him there. Could this be true? And if so, what can I do?
A: Some aggressive behavior in children is just part of growing up and your child care provider sees that every day. However, your child care provider may be seeing something out of the ordinary, and it is time to take steps.
Start with a parent-provider conference. Keep the lines of communication open. Try to identify the specific situations and behaviors that are concerning to the provider. This is an emotional subject, but a calm discussion often identifies the triggers to aggression and can lead to solutions. Consider observing your child from the sidelines while he is interacting with adults and other children at child care. Then compare your observations and disciplining styles with the providers. Keep this in mind – how you manage behavior at home should be compatible with what he experiences with your provider. Ask yourself the following questions: Is my child acting out because he is not getting enough attention from his caregivers or other children? Is my child having a hard time adjusting to his environment or new activities? Does the child care setting enforce consistent, age-appropriate classroom rules?
Some things to consider at home:
- Health or developmental reasons? Demanding schedules and increased stress at home? How do you discipline? Some children react to punitive discipline by imitating it - they interpret grabbing, hitting, shouting as "how adults get their way."
- Do you accept aggressive behaviors in your home or allow violent games or images on TV? Or do you model solving problems through discussion and cooperation?
If you and your child care provider cannot come to a resolution and she is about to turn your child away to protect other children, ask for outside help before she does. In many Michigan counties, the 4C agency offers confidential help to prevent child care expulsions. This might require little more than an observation by an outside expert and a discussion with parents and a provider. Or it could turn into some extra training for both parties.