ZERO TO FIVE IN 60 SECONDS
Quick tips for parents of young children
By MARK SULLIVAN, Executive Director, Michigan 4C Association

Q: Give me a power tool or a ball of any shape or size and I’m pretty comfortable, but now that I’m a brand new dad, I’m not so sure how to even hold my precious baby girl. Please don’t tell my wife I’ve asked about this, I am so embarrassed.

A: First of all it’s great you recognize that your new child is not like the rest of your toys and tools. Give her time, though. The more you get to know her the more fun she is likely to be, and one day she might even help you build that new deck out back. So let’s get off to a good start with a warm-up drill.

Say she’s rested but alert, fed and her diaper is clean. That lowers everyone’s anxiety level a lot. Begin by just looking at her. Really look at her from close up. See how she is looking at you! Look at yourself now and the silly faces and noises you started making - probably without even thinking about it. This is not embarrassing. This is fun. This is good! Don’t stop!

Now pick her up with both your hands - one supporting her back, and the other supporting her head - and keep looking at her. Talk to her gently, face to face. If she starts to cry or squirm, don’t give her away. That sends the wrong signals to everyone. Just hang tough. Hold her close to you and rock her gently until you feel comfortable. She’ll pick up on that and will likely calm down, too. Practice this every moment you can. You can hold her on your knee or cradle her in your arm, but spend as much time as you can with her facing you and you looking and talking to her - even if it’s nonsense, or just thinking out loud about something else.

There will be pre-teen years when it will be a chore for her to look right at you, but right now, you are THE MAN. So take every advantage. The research is pretty much on your side; the more you hold your child, look at her and talk gently to her, the better her chances for normal emotional, social and intellectual development.

If this were football the coach might put it in terms of trust, teamwork, and practice. When you hold your child safely, they learn to trust and they have less anxiety. Newborns aren’t ready to "learn to cope by themselves." They need someone they can trust to protect them just like the quarterback needs and trusts his interior linemen.

People live around other people - we’re social beings. And that requires teamwork, even if the team is only you and your child, and it seems like you are doing most of the work.

Practice means everything when it’s game time. When you talk to her you are showing her the highlight reels from your lifetime of learned language. It won’t be long before she can’t resist imitating it. That part can be very helpful for her speech and intellectual development. It also can be very amusing for you. So go on. Get in the game!